When it comes to crafting wedding vows, there is one mistake we see made more than anything else. It’s a mistake that is all too easy to make. You yourself may even fall victim to it if you’re not careful. So whatever you do, follow one simple rule:
Speak to your partner ahead of time and agree on a desired length for your wedding vows.
Yes, you read that correctly. A simple, two-sentence conversation can ensure that your wedding ceremony runs smoothly and your vows are delivered without a hitch. You can do this one of two ways:
- By agreeing to stay within a certain word count (e.g. “Let’s keep our vows between 400-500 words.”)
- OR by basing the limit on speaking time (e.g. “We’ll aim for our vows to each be about three minutes long.”)
Agreeing with your partner on the desired length of your wedding vows ensures a balanced and seamless ceremony that allows both partners to express their love and commitment without overshadowing one another. Below we’ll explore the significance of discussing and agreeing on vow lengths, and we’ll explain more about why similar vow lengths are crucial for a harmonious and memorable wedding ceremony.
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Having similarly timed vows maintains flow and balance.
By setting an agreed-upon word count or speaking time for your vows, you ensure a smooth flow and maintain balance throughout the wedding ceremony. When one partner’s vows are significantly longer than the other’s, it can create an unintended imbalance and potentially overshadow the other spouse’s expression of love and commitment. Aligning on vow lengths guarantees an equal opportunity for both partners to be heard and valued during this special moment, by both guests as well as each other.
This approach prevents embarrassment and discomfort.
When the big day arrives, embarrassment and discomfort are two feelings that should be avoided at all costs! One of the main reasons for agreeing on similar lengths for your wedding vows is to avoid any potential for either of those uncomfortable emotions to pop up. We’ve heard stories of partners who wrote extensively elaborate vows, only to be disappointed by their significant other’s much shorter and simpler vows. By agreeing on vow lengths in advance, you can ensure that both of you do justice to each other, making the best use of this important moment at the altar.
Coming to an agreement allows you to reflect on your communication skills.
Communication is a cornerstone of a successful marriage. By discussing seemingly mundane aspects of your ceremony, such as the length you’re each shooting for when writing your wedding vows, you’re beginning to practice the partnership required in this lifelong commitment. The act of communicating and finding common ground on vow lengths demonstrates your ability to collaborate, compromise, and respect each other’s wishes. It sets a positive tone for how you will navigate challenges and make decisions as a couple in the future, and what’s not to like about that?
Similar vow lengths contribute to better inclusivity and engagement.
Agreeing on vow lengths not only benefits you as a couple but also enhances the experience for your guests. When you and your partner’s vows are similar lengths, you’re ensuring that everyone present feels engaged and included in the ceremony. This simple logistical act demonstrates your intention to create a balanced and memorable experience for all attendees—regardless of their relationship with either partner or which spouse they’re closer to. A harmonious ceremony resonates with your loved ones, creating a warm and inclusive atmosphere that highlights both partners equally.
You can still preserve the element of surprise!
It’s important for us to note that agreeing on a desired length for your wedding vows does not mean sharing the content of the vows themselves. The goal is to set guidelines that allow both partners to prepare their vows while keeping the element of surprise intact. You can discuss the desired word count or speaking time without revealing any specific details, thereby ensuring that the impact of your heartfelt words remains fresh and genuine on your wedding day.
Trust us: agreeing to hit similar lengths for your wedding vows is a valuable step towards creating a harmonious wedding ceremony. More importantly, it’s a symbolic step towards a harmonious marriage itself. By maintaining flow and balance, preventing potential discomfort, and reflecting your communication skills, you set the stage for a strong and connected relationship for years to come. Simply have an open conversation with your partner, find a range that feels comfortable and doable for you both, and embrace the beauty of a unified and balanced celebration of your love.
And if you get stuck?
We’re here to help. You can work with us one-on-one for wedding vow writing; just choose the package that suits you best. If you’d like to try it on your own but need a little help, you can instantly download our wedding vow writing workbook for you and your partner or order a paperback copy from Amazon.